Post by Jacqueline on Jan 7, 2007 0:39:45 GMT -5
Shannon sat on her bed holding a shoe box. She opened the shoe box. Inside of it were all of the diaries she had written in throughout her life. At the beginning of every year she started a new diary so that it would be easier to tell when they were from. She liked to look in them to see how much her writing had changed throughout the years. She picked up the first one she had kept, and a few of the entries caught her eye when she was just flipping through the pages.
Today was horrible. Muffin was sick and she was throwing up a lot. I cleaned up the puke right away so that dad wouldn't get really mad, but he did anyway. He started yelling at Muffin, and she was shaking and really scared because she's scared of him, and it was even worse because she was sick. She threw up again and dad picked her up by the tail and carried her across the room and rubbed her face in it, I guess to teach her not to throw up or something, and then he kept hitting her real hard. I yelled at him to stop and then to upset me he grabbed a knife and cut her neck. She yelped, and then died. Then dad started hitting me and he cut my arm with the knife, but not that deep, and then he sent me to bed even though it was only 4 o'clock. I miss Muffin already, but I know she's happier now in doggy-heaven. I kind of wish that I could go to heaven sometimes, but I'd miss Aunt Becka, Uncle John and Ryan, and they'd miss me.
Shannon remembered that day really well, she hadn't been able to get to sleep at all, she had just lay on her bed crying all night.
He was still mad today. I was looking through the fridge for something to eat for breakfast and he came up and got really mad at me. Then he went out and left me there alone. I went in the living room to watch TV, but Muffin was still there and there was blood all over the place, so I just went in my room. He came home and he seemed like he wasn't as mad any more, and I asked him if he was going to get rid of Muffin's body today. He got mad at me again, and then locked me in my room and told me that he'd be back in a few days. Then he left, and he left Muffin on the living room floor.
Shannon had been locked in that room for three days, but then she discovered that her dad had forgotten to lock the window from the outside like he usually did. She had gotten out and found a farm where she could stay. She could sleep in the barn at night with the horses, and there was an apple orchard so she could eat apples, and she could drink from the sink in the barn. It had actually been fun. She had gone home the night before her dad came back, and he hadn't known that she had even left the room. When she had been let out of her room, Muffin was still there in the living room, and she really stunk and was attracting bugs. Her dad ended up throwing the dog in the river the next day, and had made Shannon clean up the blood.
Shannon put down that diary then, that had been an awful year and she didn't want to read on. She didn't normally read any of her diaries from when she was younger, they were all horrible. There were three years of her dad and his friend raping her and some other little girl, and then there were a few days of them moving up to Canada from where they had lived before in Texas. She had been locked in the back of the truck as they drove up, and she had gotten many cuts and bruises from that adventure. There was some stuff in 2003 about her uncle John dying, and how upset Aunt Becka and Ryan had been, and how her dad didn't care at all.
She picked up the diary that she had just finished. She wanted to read some of what was in there. She skipped the beginning, none of it was nice, and found what she had written about the first time she had met Josh.
I was walking today and I found a stable. I went in to pet some horses because they were really nice to me when I stayed in the barn years ago. I know that it's a different barn and different horses, but I just wanted to say hi to the horses. I was petting this one horse, Rocky, and his owner came in. I'm not sure who's cuter, Rocky or Josh (Rocky's owner). Josh let me ride Rocky, and it was a lot of fun. It was scary though, but Josh was holding on to Rocky the whole time so I knew that I was safe. When I was done, Josh told me that I can come back any time, and if I bring apples or carrots it and feed them to Rocky it'll make Rocky really happy. I think I might go back sometime soon, it was fun and I want to talk to Josh again. He was really nice and he's really cute.
Shannon laughed when she read that one. Back when she had written it, she wouldn't have believed someone if they had told her that in a year or so she would be living with Josh, and going out with him. She read a few more entries in her diary, they were mostly about Josh and how sweet he was, how cute he was, how she was really falling for him... Then she got to the ones since she had told Josh that she had gotten pregnant again.
I told Josh today that I'm pregnant. It was getting hard to hide, my stomach is so big. He didn't even say anything! He just went up to his room. I don't know why, but I kind of wish that he had yelled at me or something, the fact that he didn't say anything makes me feel so bad that I hurt him so badly. I should have lied and said that they were his, then maybe he wouldn't have been so mad. If I had found out a week later, a week after I had slept with Josh, then they could have just as easily been his, but I found out the day before I slept with him and I don't like lying, so I told him the truth. I feel horrible.
Then Shannon read the next few days, they were all still talking about how horrible she felt, and how Josh was still mad at her.
Well, it's almost the new year. Maybe tomorrow morning Josh will wake up and decide that he's not mad at me any more, and then we'll be a happy couple again for the start of the new year. I doubt it though. It's really upsetting Bri that we're not cuddling any more, and that we're both so upset. I was talking to Ryan earlier, and he told me that he's selling Aunt Becka's house. I figured that he would, he has a really nice house in Kitchener with his wife, I can't remember her name. He told me how much he's selling it for, and if I want it I can get it a lot cheaper. I really want it. It is in such a great neighbourhood, there are so many nice people living near them, and there are so many kids that Bri and the twins could play with when they get older. The house isn't huge, but it would be big enough for the five of us, unlike here. There won't be enough space here once the twins are born. I don't have the money to buy it though, and if I ask Josh I'm sure he'll say no because he's mad at me. I want it so much though. I might ask Josh, when he wakes up in the morning and isn't mad any more...
It was now the third of January, and Shannon was finally putting the diary away with the rest of them. She looked at her clock and realized that she had to get going now, or else she'd be later for the doctors appointment that she was going to. She left all of her diaries on her bed, figuring that they'd be fine until she got back. Bri didn't really play with books that much, remotes were much more interesting. She could push buttons and people would react in funny ways. Of course Josh wouldn't go in Shannon's room and read them, so they were fine. Josh was going to watch Bri while Shannon was gone, so she said bye to Bri and called bye to Josh as she walked out the door. Then she walked to her doctor's appointment.
October 2, 2000
Dear Diary: Today was horrible. Muffin was sick and she was throwing up a lot. I cleaned up the puke right away so that dad wouldn't get really mad, but he did anyway. He started yelling at Muffin, and she was shaking and really scared because she's scared of him, and it was even worse because she was sick. She threw up again and dad picked her up by the tail and carried her across the room and rubbed her face in it, I guess to teach her not to throw up or something, and then he kept hitting her real hard. I yelled at him to stop and then to upset me he grabbed a knife and cut her neck. She yelped, and then died. Then dad started hitting me and he cut my arm with the knife, but not that deep, and then he sent me to bed even though it was only 4 o'clock. I miss Muffin already, but I know she's happier now in doggy-heaven. I kind of wish that I could go to heaven sometimes, but I'd miss Aunt Becka, Uncle John and Ryan, and they'd miss me.
Shannon remembered that day really well, she hadn't been able to get to sleep at all, she had just lay on her bed crying all night.
October 3, 2000
Dear Diary:He was still mad today. I was looking through the fridge for something to eat for breakfast and he came up and got really mad at me. Then he went out and left me there alone. I went in the living room to watch TV, but Muffin was still there and there was blood all over the place, so I just went in my room. He came home and he seemed like he wasn't as mad any more, and I asked him if he was going to get rid of Muffin's body today. He got mad at me again, and then locked me in my room and told me that he'd be back in a few days. Then he left, and he left Muffin on the living room floor.
Shannon had been locked in that room for three days, but then she discovered that her dad had forgotten to lock the window from the outside like he usually did. She had gotten out and found a farm where she could stay. She could sleep in the barn at night with the horses, and there was an apple orchard so she could eat apples, and she could drink from the sink in the barn. It had actually been fun. She had gone home the night before her dad came back, and he hadn't known that she had even left the room. When she had been let out of her room, Muffin was still there in the living room, and she really stunk and was attracting bugs. Her dad ended up throwing the dog in the river the next day, and had made Shannon clean up the blood.
Shannon put down that diary then, that had been an awful year and she didn't want to read on. She didn't normally read any of her diaries from when she was younger, they were all horrible. There were three years of her dad and his friend raping her and some other little girl, and then there were a few days of them moving up to Canada from where they had lived before in Texas. She had been locked in the back of the truck as they drove up, and she had gotten many cuts and bruises from that adventure. There was some stuff in 2003 about her uncle John dying, and how upset Aunt Becka and Ryan had been, and how her dad didn't care at all.
She picked up the diary that she had just finished. She wanted to read some of what was in there. She skipped the beginning, none of it was nice, and found what she had written about the first time she had met Josh.
July 19, 2006
Dear Diary:I was walking today and I found a stable. I went in to pet some horses because they were really nice to me when I stayed in the barn years ago. I know that it's a different barn and different horses, but I just wanted to say hi to the horses. I was petting this one horse, Rocky, and his owner came in. I'm not sure who's cuter, Rocky or Josh (Rocky's owner). Josh let me ride Rocky, and it was a lot of fun. It was scary though, but Josh was holding on to Rocky the whole time so I knew that I was safe. When I was done, Josh told me that I can come back any time, and if I bring apples or carrots it and feed them to Rocky it'll make Rocky really happy. I think I might go back sometime soon, it was fun and I want to talk to Josh again. He was really nice and he's really cute.
Shannon laughed when she read that one. Back when she had written it, she wouldn't have believed someone if they had told her that in a year or so she would be living with Josh, and going out with him. She read a few more entries in her diary, they were mostly about Josh and how sweet he was, how cute he was, how she was really falling for him... Then she got to the ones since she had told Josh that she had gotten pregnant again.
December 13, 2006
Dear Diary:I told Josh today that I'm pregnant. It was getting hard to hide, my stomach is so big. He didn't even say anything! He just went up to his room. I don't know why, but I kind of wish that he had yelled at me or something, the fact that he didn't say anything makes me feel so bad that I hurt him so badly. I should have lied and said that they were his, then maybe he wouldn't have been so mad. If I had found out a week later, a week after I had slept with Josh, then they could have just as easily been his, but I found out the day before I slept with him and I don't like lying, so I told him the truth. I feel horrible.
Then Shannon read the next few days, they were all still talking about how horrible she felt, and how Josh was still mad at her.
December 31, 2006
Dear Diary:Well, it's almost the new year. Maybe tomorrow morning Josh will wake up and decide that he's not mad at me any more, and then we'll be a happy couple again for the start of the new year. I doubt it though. It's really upsetting Bri that we're not cuddling any more, and that we're both so upset. I was talking to Ryan earlier, and he told me that he's selling Aunt Becka's house. I figured that he would, he has a really nice house in Kitchener with his wife, I can't remember her name. He told me how much he's selling it for, and if I want it I can get it a lot cheaper. I really want it. It is in such a great neighbourhood, there are so many nice people living near them, and there are so many kids that Bri and the twins could play with when they get older. The house isn't huge, but it would be big enough for the five of us, unlike here. There won't be enough space here once the twins are born. I don't have the money to buy it though, and if I ask Josh I'm sure he'll say no because he's mad at me. I want it so much though. I might ask Josh, when he wakes up in the morning and isn't mad any more...
It was now the third of January, and Shannon was finally putting the diary away with the rest of them. She looked at her clock and realized that she had to get going now, or else she'd be later for the doctors appointment that she was going to. She left all of her diaries on her bed, figuring that they'd be fine until she got back. Bri didn't really play with books that much, remotes were much more interesting. She could push buttons and people would react in funny ways. Of course Josh wouldn't go in Shannon's room and read them, so they were fine. Josh was going to watch Bri while Shannon was gone, so she said bye to Bri and called bye to Josh as she walked out the door. Then she walked to her doctor's appointment.
